-NIL-

Arcadia

2010-11-21T03:32:00.002+08:00

So its late. And so I am up. Again. Nothing's changed? Or everything?

Maybe time to think is good, is it? I guess I'm just tired, most of us are. I need strength, to do what i need to do. I need wisdom, to know what I need the strength to do.

There's only so much I can take. This is me, calling for help,

Changes and fleeting moments of reality.

2010-01-15T02:09:00.003+08:00

Is anything ever constant, or does everything have to change for us to realize who we are. Would the future me be a better person than who I am at this point in time. Why do I not want to change, when I have nothing to be proud of. Am I merely a shot in the dark, or is this merely me, human afterall. Do I really want to be happy, because it seems my loneliness and emptiness is all I have right now.

Looking back, 2 years, I've become really different, things I have once said seem so naive, innocent in essence. 2 years into the future maybe would I look back at this moment and finally realize my foolishness and laugh it off all as a big joke. How ironic that would be, me being the joke and all.

I guess this is a time for change, a chance to turn this all around and find a new direction to my life. I want to be a better person, someone show me how. A better friend, a better son, a better brother, better. I need the strength. The courage that should be my vision and hope.

What is life, are we all people looking to love, finding a way to get by, there must be more than this.

Time will speak of who I become, my ego will tell me I'm better than I ever was, and ever will be, and my mind will tell me that is not true. I just don't want to be lost, alone, stupid, out of control of my own life, dependent on other people.

i guess we all need a savior, don't we? & i guess i'll never know.

2007-11-19T13:37:00.000+08:00

Maybe someday i'll finally realize, all i'm chasing is the wind.

2007-07-22T20:25:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna pretend like i know you so maybe I'll just stop.

Whats happening to me.

2007-07-15T18:27:00.000+08:00

Last night, I had a dream, like the first one in a long, long time. I dreamt of so many things. Like dreamt that many people came back to rangers after such a long time, and everything was like before and friendship was the thing that held all of us together, with bonds that were seemingly indestructible and would last forever. Now so many people have left and everything is just so messed up, and even the people who are staying some stay due to obligation and not anything more. And now i look back and wonder what happened somewhere along the way. I think that everyone at one point in time,and just wanted to get away and have more free time but when we recall of the times we had together it always makes us feel it was worth the while after all... But still so many people left and sometimes i wonder if this even matters to them at all. And i hope Lemuel won't quit also. Sigh. Maybe growing up isn't that great after all.

Today. Just came back from church after cell group, CET and service. CET talked about patience while service talked about academic excellence. Meaningful i guess and can be applied to many aspects of our lives. Shou Zhen also bought all of us a W.W.J.D band from hong kong! haha. (thanks Shou Zhen!). Thats about all that happened to me i guess. bye.

Maybe i should just try to know when to shut up. I guess i'm not that great a person after all.

2007-07-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

Collide

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

School. Today was okay. Had CF till like 3 plus i think. I guess CF is better and now there is sharing. I think i screwed up the worship :( I didn't actually go and try to play the songs together so the transition was like yuck. Sigh.

Later still gotta do physics which i don't understand (yet) and still have lit! haha. oh, and Pamela found out why I have my chinese name as "Yi Yong" cos it means "yi zhi hen yong gong" hahaha. going to do work! bye! :)

2007-07-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

darn my hands legs everything is aching. haha. i'm totally unfit since i came to this school( not like i was before). all i did for PE was like 50 push ups, 30 situps and jogging 4 rounds and i'm like dead already. now i'm paying for not exercising. pain everytime i walk and try to lift my hands.

Well, for today, had fun at rangers i guess although we didn't do much. And only a few of us turned up, Kerrie, Me, Leon, Dilys and Norman. haha. and its like gonna be so sad when they go and become JCs with other age groups. Went out for dinner at night at some western food place and ate till i was quite full, although the desert was like yuck cos it was lychee cake. yuck. that was totally weird. And i read finish 1984 haha! Its quite a nice book but the ending is like sad. haha. oh well. bye!

2007-07-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

school.. School today was okay i guess. nothing much as usual. wednesdays usually have nothing. Well, came home early today, used com for nothing again and then went to do work. I did physics but when it came to chem i died. ah well... hmmm. My english essay is about halfway there i guess. only 500 words so far. sigh. i am really feeling tired. *yawns haha. hmmm. i hope i can transfer out to maybe SA or something. sigh. oh well.

I feel like i can't feel anymore. It feels so empty on the inside of me.

2007-07-02T09:08:00.001+08:00

Today feels like a day where nothing bad may happen. Maybe, maybe not. Just wanted to thank Sylvie mom for talking to me last night and all(: Maybe i'll just get over it so don't worry! haha. i'll try to be able to smile everything away again like i was able to since young till recently. It seems so much harder to smile without feeling so fake. Please, God, teach me to let go of everything. I wish i could just run away and forget everything. Leave all this behind me so that i can be free. I guess there's a price for everything, and the price for freedom would probably be my sanity. ha. Why do i have all these mixed feelings inside me. I hate growing up. When you're young, there's just so much that you don't know, and the innocence of everything. Nothing to worry about, don't care about what people around you think of you, spend all your days playing and spending time with your family and friends. And now when you're older, life really gets harder where you have to think so much about studies, expectations to fulfill, crapped up shit in your life thats not even supposed to be there. Problems, when will they leave me. Maybe they never will. Maybe it might even get worse when we grow up. Lets hope for the best for now, and for the future.

To a time, where problems hardly existed.

Me.

2007-07-01T23:36:00.000+08:00

Today was okay. Well, not so okay i guess. Sure i had fun at cell group and service but after that, it was just about the most boring night of my life. Went to Mustafa with family excluding my sis who was out studying and my mom's cuz and her son. Who knew Mustafa could be so boring. Tried to talk to Stacey by sms but she only replied when my boredom was going to be over. But at least Alvin called my phone to help me with my boredom for abit. haha. Its good to hear that God has been working in his life and helping him help others. haha. Including me offcourse. haha. And he's probably going crazy as well, haha. We'll both see each other in an asylum or something. haha.

Someone teach me how to "un-love" someone. Make me make you hate me so that it won't hurt so much. Or it may hurt even more and would take more effort to make it hurt less. At the rate i'm going, i won't last long. Eventually i'll think myself to death and probably end up mad. Off all people why me? Why does this kind of strangeness, rarely seen in others, occur in me? What have i done to deserve this? I know its wrong but why do i still continue to stay in this path which leads to a place where there is nothing but emptiness, pain and sadness. Someone teach me what i should do to prevent myself from cutting myself up on the inside.

Princesse de la rue soit la bienvenue dans mon coeur brise

2007-06-28T19:04:00.000+08:00

YOUR SONG - Ewan McGregor

My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
Hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

I sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss
Well some of the verses well, they...they got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

NICE SONG! (:

School today was quite okay i guess. Long day, but i must admit that math lessons have become more manageable and i feel more motivation to make this semester a better one. Tomorrow is youth day celebration and i'm not exactly looking forward to it. oh well, school events... But i am looking forward to GM's Arts night!!!! Heard it is gonna be very nice and all. haha. what a pity that weide and band can't perform.

Lit lesson today again. I was wondering to myself today thinking, i wonder what sci-fi lit class will be like today. Turns out, the movies we watched are like totally ancient and BORING! =( we watched the twilight zone which is like movies made in the 1950s. yuck. black and white movies are totally killer and there is nothing there that is interesting at all. ha. oh well, that was all that happened today! bye:)

2007-06-27T22:16:00.001+08:00

oh manzzzzzz. i really really really wanna go back to batam. Go Jet ski again or go and swim or climb trees again! sigh. i wonder when i can go back! nice sea side house.

2007-06-27T19:36:00.000+08:00

School was fun today!! for once. haha. well, we only had chinese and math lesson today. CF was like totally record breaking. haha. 5 hours!! i'm sure my legs had gone numb countless times. Well, we talked about alot of things during CF like the baptism of the holy spirit and speaking in tongues and loads of other stuff! Thanks Kenneth for praying for me and every one else in CF for talking to me. haha.

CF memory list HAHA: Favorite TV shows: Heros, scrubs, spongebob, Alias, Barney, Friends, Numbers, Grey's Anatomy, Favorite teachers: Ang, Dong, Dong, Chua, dunnoe what, tan, tan, tay, Favorite Childhood toys: Tickle Me Elmo, Lego, Cars, Barbie Bathing Set (LOL), Bratz, Kermit, Retarded Windchime, Book, Birthdays: 22nd October, 7 sept, 9 oct, 3 april, 19 nov, 31 dec, 22 aug, 11 nov.

Another thing is well, reading Theo's blog has made me really realized that many times we tend to take for granted of things we have and the people around us. We really gotta treasure what we have because once its gone, its either gonna be very hard to get something that was lost back, or maybe even impossible. So why go through all the trouble for nothing. Oh, and all the best Stacey fer your exams tomorrow if i'm not wrong. hahas. i doubt you'll read this anyway.

Tomorrow is gonna be a loooooooong day! More lit!!! hahahas. i've already had 4 hours of lit this week and gonna have 2 more tomorrow. i hope sci fi is good man. or else i might go kill myself. haha. And i realized i started to blog again. hahas. wonder what is wrong with me. anyway i gotta do physics so bye! haha

& can't you tell i've fallen for you?

2007-06-26T19:22:00.001+08:00

heh. oh, and look at me!! i'm so emo i shall go get me-self a black hood( nothing racist for once) and go emo. i'll then try to slit my wrists with a blade of grass. yay. hahaha

2007-06-26T18:27:00.000+08:00

heyyyyyyyy. haha. well, school today was funn((: well sorta. for once. ha. i think the best lesson was lit and we did some retarded acting. how on earth am i supposed to look angry when i always end up laughing when i try too hard. and i got to act emo too! haha. well, i dont think i looked that emo when i saw the pics my lit teach took. haha. oh well. and i tried reading the book Julius Caesar and i kinda have no idea what they are talking about at certain points. haha. anyone taking lit willing to help?

haha. and well, it was Theo's birthday today but i didnt get him anything): sorry bro. and i also left him in school all alone to take his astro test. sorry bro (x2). today's lessons i guess were quite okay. i ate almost 3 packs of MnM's! ( i am sooooo gonna grow fat-ter) ha.

Arts night coming this friday and i am soooooo happy that there is no boring old cca this friday. haha. just gotta love lame youth day celebrations, for all the wrong reasons. haha.

well, i've gone crazy. yay.

hols!

2007-06-24T14:45:00.000+08:00

hello. one update in a long while. haha. its been 2 months since i updated but i decided to update for once. haha. well this holiday has been a long and busy one. i went for 3 camps and went batam with some family members. haha. out of all the trips i guess the trip to batam was the funn-est. i got to do jet ski for my first time in my life, and went a second time also! we went to catch SOTONG on one of the nights but i never actually did catch anything. well, this hols i admit was one of the most busy but also one of the most fun ones! oh, and i watched Moulin Rouge 2 time during the trip to batam haha. i think i'm pretty much adddicted to it(: i think thats it for my update!haha. bye(:

When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. And without trust, there is no love.The jelousy, yes the jelousy, will drive you mad.

life.......

2007-05-03T21:21:00.000+08:00

lol. well first things first, exams suck. well since thats over and done with. many other things also suck, like a damn physics project due the same day as your first exam paper. hmmm. i think the people who organized my school program must be some GENIUSES. wonder if it is possible to have an IQ lower than theirs. And i dont think i can do my project because apparently my father wants me to get off my com and study for chinese which i dont think i can study for. who cares any. screw everything and fail! shit.

2007-05-01T10:49:00.000+08:00

Today seems like a nice day to update. lol

Well, today is a sad day cos i didn't get to go out to study cos my mom doesn't allow, as usual. Got scolded for playing guitar, studied a little bio and doing chem assg due yesterday. Now feeling sian and wish i was at mac with alvin and yu qi and others. sigh.

And i realized that if at any point in time you're feeling sad, depressed, pissed, or what ever, you can always go to God in prayer, pick up your guitar and play and sing to him and you'll feel much more clear headed and have peace, and off course you can do these even if you're not feeling anything(:

And to everyone having exams or that have their exams drawing near, all the best, and dont forget to pray(:

.

2007-04-15T22:47:00.000+08:00

hmmm..this is what i call an update for the sake of updating. lol.

hello(:

2007-03-21T20:49:00.000+08:00

At the request of Elhannah, i'm supposed to say
JTT ROCKS

and there is a bible verse that i think is relevant to some people(:
Matthew 18:22-35
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and i forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saithunto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven. therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants
And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
But for as much as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, all his wife and children, and all that he had and payment to be made. The servan therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and i will pay thee all.
Then the lord if that servant was moved with compassion, and loosened him, and forgave his debt.
But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him a hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and i will pay thee all.
And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
Then his lord, after that called him. said unto him, O thou wicked servant, i forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee?
And his lord was wroth and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
So likewise shall my heavenly father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.

CAMP!

2007-03-18T08:20:00.000+08:00

camp was really fun even though we did have conflict and all. i feel that i am gonna die. after coming back from camp, i fell asleep at 4.30pm and woke up at 7.30 in the morning today! and i still got alot of homework to do.sighs. anyway, even if i get a scolding for not finishing my homework, i think its worth it! ha. i am also really glad that i made alot of new friends during the camp even though i wish that i had not skipped 1 year so that i can be in a group with all the people i know. haha. anyway,homework time. :(

2007-03-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

here to post on my dead blog once again. School was boring as usual. lookin forward to the hols which are arriving soon. feeling super tired and depressed cos my blog is dead? maybe. maybe not? lol. looking forward to the camp during the hols and not the homework due. sigh. dead.

2007-02-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

I think my blog is dead..lol

2007-02-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.. well somethings sorta happened over the week end. haha.. On Saturday went for cable skiing and up till now, my whole upper body is like totally aching. haha.Couldnt play basketball properly today..haha..On Sunday, went to see Wei de and Yu Qi after cell in the morning. Nice to meet them after such a long while.haha. Then wei de left after eating some stuff to go for sec 3 camp. i feel so jealous. I WANNA GO!!! hahaha.wish i could have gone =( haha.well, really gotta get back to lit journal. dunno wad to write..haha..byebye:)

2007-01-30T22:05:00.000+08:00

maybe i should just be alone. maybe it'd be better that way. maybe. oh. and sorry yun hui, though i doubt you'd read this. yeah. it wasn't on purpose that i passed the worksheet to theo that may cause it to be late. so sorry. yeah.

school........again.............

2007-01-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

today school was okay i guess.. haha. normal boring lessons all day doing nothing..felt very tired during lessons as i slept at 2 last night doing some lousy piece of lit that i have to redo cos i wrote too brief.haha.then had physics homework to chiong after school.haha.darn.should really do homework more quickly.haha.wanted to go play basketball after school but in the end also couldnt cos Triple and Daniel were playing 1 v 1.haha.then came home and did nothing.so boring! haha. byebye

2007-01-26T22:44:00.000+08:00

Does anyone ever truly practice what they preach?

2007-01-25T22:26:00.000+08:00

Today at school, did alot of nothing..haha..Played alot of basketball..haha..oh ya!my handphone got confiscated. for now at least..haha..dont message anything till i say i got it back..haha..what happened was that my mother wanted me to call the m1 company to find out who i sent messages to when i went overseas..-.-" so dumb can? like i sent the messages off course i know who the s*** i sent the messages to right? she said that if i didnt call she would take my phone away..so i didnt care and dun call then she took my phone..lol..i think i'd rather not do something so pointless and have my phone confiscated.lol..thats about all that happened today! haha..

2007-01-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

hmmm..i guess i have like MANY MANY MANY bad habits. One of my worst is procrastination..haha..everyday tell myself can leave that little tiny speck of homework for my breaks then when my break comes i am like rushing till gonna go mad! anyone got any solution?haha..and i dont know why i just cant express ideas in chinese! argh..can think of a whole composition but cant like translate it into chinese..SIGH!lol.and wondering if i should take the o level chinese or should i just stick to the normal school exams?yet another problem from the sea of problems.Well, gotta do chinese composition that was supposedly due today?hahaha! Byebye!

2007-01-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

Alvin go learn!!!haha

2007-01-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..school today..well..today had 4 hours of lit from 130-530.haha. It was fun though..haha..i think i am starting to like lit more i guess..haha.. Then went to tiong bahru to try and find my chinese text book cos i bought wrong book during the hols and was too lazy to check at that time..haha..then went there and found out that the book was sold out. lol. then my father said that he was at parkway as my sis got a new phone, haha. so i asked him see if got the book that i needed but he didnt know which one to buy. haha. Oh well. no need to do homework hopefully =X

2007-01-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

Finally, the "worst" day of my life is over! Phew! Well, firstly, the teacher who seemingly was gonna totally kill me didnt. Didnt "twist my head off". haha..Secondly, I am SOOOO HAPPY that i passed my viva, reexam, but disappointed with the fact that he asked me to explain every single one of the questions that he asked me to do, which was like 20 plus questions and the last few i didnt know how to do and was desperately asking for help just before the exam.. haha..THANKS SO MUCH TO,Sylvie, Srinath, Josiah, Khanh, MaeHwee, Yun Hui, Lay Kuan, Yan Long, Cheryl, Shen Rong even though they may not read my blog..haha..

2007-01-11T19:43:00.000+08:00

Sigh..i totally feel like i am gonna die..chem re tomorrow and gotta see some teacher for accidentally forgetting to put some stuff in an email that usually put like Dear so and so blah blah blah and regards..hope that teacher doesnt kill me..haha..oh well..wish me all the best for tomorrow's re..haha..pray as hard as you could! =X

2007-01-10T21:00:00.000+08:00

Today..hmmm..
Chinese lesson today didnt bring my book(thank God the teacher didnt scold) and when i got home, i realized that i had bought a higher chinese book instead..lol.the bookshop person must have been mocking me..haha..
Hmmm..i wonder how hard my chem re is gonna be..(hope its easy!!) haha..sure its gonna happen..now all i need to do is convince myself..haha..and the teacher too..haha..

COUNTDOWN TO RE-EXAM(DEATH): 2 Days

2007-01-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

Well! school has now officially started as there are lessons and orientation is over. I think this year maybe i will totally kill myself with all my modules(taking 3 lit modules this year) and alot more math modules that i think are so gonna be harder than my previous one..well, its a new year and i think i shall try to think of less depressing stuff..hmmm..School today was same old normal old boring tedious tiring lessons that can totally kill. I hope that the lit modules i am taking is gonna make school more fun and enjoyable. Well, thats about it for the "FIRST" day of school.

2007-01-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

First day at school was quite boring..Retarded school cheers, even more retarded school creed..Other that, i'm quite glad that the teachers did not start teaching on the first day..phew! and wonder when i am having my re-exam..hopefully dun have..haha..sigh.hols have gone so fast! and now its like 2007 already..year has passed so fast..oh well.

Oh no!

2006-12-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

Sigh..schools gonna start like soooooo soon and the normal broing every day routine is going to start all over again..but the coming year has gotta be different from this year..MUST BE SOBER..yeah alvin?hahahahaha..hopefully i can totally be ~~nerdy~~ smart for a year and pass my exams with flying colors..hopefully gonna happen..and well..i still got like a ton of homework to do..not really physically a ton but more of weighing a ton on my mind..so many questions, so little time..sigh..oh well..really must get back to ~~slacking~~ studying..

I like this song!!!!

2006-12-28T19:28:00.000+08:00

haha..thanks Alvin for showing me this..haha..

2006-12-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

Christmas has come and gone in the blink of an eye..and school is starting in a week..and i still have tuition later..that is sad..really sad..and i'm bored again..This holiday was quite a boring one and i still have like tons of home work to do..and i seriously need help in the homework..haha..anyone good in chem offering to help just tell me..haha..yeah..

BORED!

2006-12-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

hmmm..for my second post..currently watching retarded shows like tom and jerry as i really have nothing to do..feeling soooooooo bored now..any one got ideas wad to do?haha..oh well..i think by the time your answers come i'd probably have died of boredom..what to do now?? someone save me as i'm going mad-er..hmm..wad else to write????? argh..

-bored

HELLO

2006-12-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

hello..
haha..thanks alvin for helpin me find this skin..lol..
erm..dunno wad to type..lol..

hmmm..well..this hols nothing much as happened i guess..same old stuff and everything is boring i guess..never go out much and all..well..bored..played a little basketball here and there..nothing much..and holidays are gonna end soon already..sad..

well..i think thats all i can say for now?yeah..lol